A British winemaker and astronomer has produced a wine made with part of a 4.5 billion year old meteorite. Wine connoisseurs say it’s a good blend, though less tasty than the merlot made with part of Betty White.
Kenny G’s wife is divorcing him, sighting irreconcilable differences. Namely, his music and good music.
Seal and Heidi Klum are splitting up. They were considered Hollywood’s ultimate model marriage. But then again, even super models fall apart.
Newt Gingrich told Thursday’s debate crowd, “All three wives represented up here would be terrific first ladies,” adding “But see what I can do in four years.”
A 15 year old girl called the police and asked to be taken to a Christian shelter because her mother was having loud sex with her boyfriend. Sinnead O’connor declined to comment.
Noel Gallagher will be receiving the Godlike Genius award from British newspaper NME. The normally arrogant Gallagher said he felt “immensely grateful” for the honor following a difficult 2011, during which he only received one accolade. It was at a Halloween party he attended in plain clothes, but was voted Best Dressed for his Mr. Bean costume.
A new study shows women report 20% more pain than men for medical conditions. Specifically, pregnancy.
Key Florida Republicans are refusing to endorse a candidate in the primary. However, Flo Rida has generously come out in support of Rick Santorium. After being told the news, Santorium said he didn’t care what state it was, he wouldn’t support any “coming out.”
Newt Gingrich has had an interesting week. First he compared gay marriage to paganism. Then in Thursday’s debate he defended his claim that Palestinians are an invented people. He also promised that if elected president he’d establish a moon base. Finally, today Gingrich released a statement asserting Barack Obama is a Keebler Elf.
Arizona woman Alejandrina Cabrera has been removed from the city council ballot because she is not proficient in English. Cabrera called the decision “Unfair, racist, small-minded, feckless, xenophobic bullshit,” according to her translator.
Recently indicted Megaupload founder Kim Dotcom was revealed to be the #1 ranked player worldwide in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. The 6’7”, 300lb Dotcom spent hours every day dutifully maintaining his MW3 stats. However, he’ll be unable to maintain his ranking from prison, leaving the #2 ranked player in the world to take his place. Bruce Valinch says he is ready to pwn the globe.
Alaska Airlines are discontinuing their thirty-year tradition of packaging prayer cards with people’s meals. The airline explained their decision as based on the observation that “…airplane food is terrible enough, so why compound it with religion?”
A new poll shows that Rick Perry is less popular in Texas than Barack Obama. Perry told reporters that he thought Obama’s supremacy in polls was irrelevant, explaining, “Would anyone care if I was more popular in Kenya?”
The current drummer from Journey was arrested for beating-up his girlfriend. From jail he told the Associated Press, “In retrospect, it was a poor decision. But then so was waiting until 1998 to join Journey.”
Demi Moore was hospitalized after a whip-it bender. She shared her room with Starr Jones, who was hospitalized after sucking down forty cans of whip cream.
Washington DC was ranked America’s most literate city for the second straight year. Yet somehow in spite of record public disapproval, incumbent congressman still can’t read the writing on the wall.
An Air Canada flight was delayed after a pet cat named Ripples got into the cockpit. The co-pilot said he noticed something was wrong when the captain tried to nap on his chest during take-off.
Lady Gaga is helping her father open an Italian restaurant in New York City. The menu includes a ten layer lasagna, meatballs, and a steak wearing a dress.
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