Save the V8s

5L-mustang-V8

I knew a guy at university who had a couple of these.

Regulators around the non-shitty bits of the world are for some unknown reason worried about the planet’s climate making some almost immeasurable changes in the next century. Now, Scotland was once a habitable place, sea-levels were many meters higher, and there was no industrialization… Then it got cold, and we entered the Dark Ages. So, killing-off the V8 engines in performance cars in favour of turbo sixes (sometimes even four cylinder engines, which just makes me cringe) is idiocy at best and classist jealousy at its worst. If the ‘Eurocrats’ and ‘Demi-gods’ on either side of the Atlantic want the special cars of the trains for themselves and big, chauffeured cars stuck in a technological time-warp like their Soviet predecessors, then we’re well on our way. I, however, believe in freedom and astrophysics, so I’m starting a movement to save the V8s.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RFlOkyZovI1

The rasp of a Ferrari V8 may prove the existence of God.

No, this does not include diesel consuming ones… I do give a shit about the environment, unlike the CO2-obsessed regulators who can’t seemingly can’t see the forest for the trees. What we’re talking about here are petrol (or ‘gasoline’ if it’s an American car) sucking, twin-banks of 4 cylinders having, 90-degree V8s! Each of the great car producing nations make them (plus Korea), and their low-pitched growl is a proven aphrodisiac. Plus, they’re more practical than the alternatives: of the naturally balanced engine configurations (inline-six, 90-degree V8, and 60-degree V12), the V8 takes up the least amount of space in the engine-bay per unit of power/torque. V8s are in a word, perfect.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7zmzV1Ynq01

The Aston Martin you would actually want to own, is the one V8.

My magnificently plebeian first car had a V8, my father’s first car had a V8, his father’s first car had a V8, Range Rovers from before they ‘jumped the shark’ all have V8s, and Volvo even fitted one to the XC90, which is the ultimate in school-run safety. I may be a ‘true conservative’ on this point, but why would anyone want change any of these things? Ford’s trying to sell the American masses pickup trucks powered by turbocharged V6s, but GM, Chrysler, and the Japanese are getting equivalent or better ‘gas milage’ with their V8s, which require less maintenance and last longer (an environmental plus). Again, why are they messing with something so perfect?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIR2WPs0zoA1

Would you believe this one gets 30+ MPG (US)? It does.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWsSWW5xwic1

Audi used to put a their brilliant V8 on the S5; now they’ll sell you the same car for more money as the RS5. That’s apparently ‘progress’.

Let’s save the V8s… Buy them, drive them, listen for them at traffic lights, cherish them, and love them for what they are. Who cares what the readers of the New York Times and The Guardian think? Why should free people have their choices dictated by the scientifically incorrect whims of some ‘useful idiots’? Didn’t you listen in prep school when they had those awful assembly days about the bad things that happen due to ‘peer pressure’? I’m not really a religious person (thank you Henry VIII for telling the Pope to sod-off), but Jesus (apparently) said: ‘Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.’ They judge us, they condemn us, and they shall never forgive us for an apparent trespass… Of course this must mean: they are the heretics, we are the mighty, and the V8 is a little bit of heaven on earth. Feed me to the lions, nail me to a cross, for I believe in the power of a V8.

Being a member of his University's Alpine Ski Team only because he had a Subaru and a healthy disregard for the condition of his liver. Rolling Sloane is our decidedly opinionated motoring columnist, for better or worse...