Chris Christie is angry at Warren Buffett, telling reporters “He should just write a check and shut up.” Apparently the New Jersey governor began disliking the billionaire after he accepted an invitation to an event put on by the mogul, only to arrive and discover there was no buffet.
A Reddit user has been getting attention lately for his unique photos. He photoshops himself into pictures with A list celebrities so he appears to really be with them. He says he originally got the idea from Brody Jenner’s Facebook.
The hover-board from Back to the Future is set to be sold for Christmas. Mattel are emphasizing that it really does more of a glide instead of hovering. In the future, historians will mark the decline of Western Civilization with the moment toy manufacturers unsuccessfully borrowed toy ideas from 1985.
The Obama campaign named its co-chairs this week, including Eva Longoria and Rahm Emanuel. Asked who his co-chair would be, Santorum responded he didn’t need one, as he recently invested in a lay-z-boy.
Green Day announced on Valentine’s Day that they’ve started work on a new album. The news wrecked tens of thousands of romantic evenings, as couples were left to consider the prospect of raising children in a world where Green Day still exists.
Michael Bay has said he will direct Transformers 4, unless critics pay a hefty ransom.
A man in his 40s went into cardiac arrest while eating a Triple Bypass Burger at the Las Vegas location of the Heart Attack Grill. Gerard Butler said that the experience made him reconsider his life, as he fully expected he would die in Vegas during his 40s, “…but from a hamburger?!”
Vogue is planning another issue on Africa. Africa just wishes it had fewer issues.
A 95 year old woman died during a New York Fashion Week show. Zelda Kaplin was an iconic figure in fashion circles, and her death led to several imitators shortly thereafter, in what investigators are calling the worst case of fashion victims on record.
Bill O’Reilly just got a book deal to make his novels Killing Lincoln and Killing Kennedy into youth editions. Meanwhile, JK Rowling has begun work on an adult novel. Apparently neither author realizes who reads their regular books.
A new study revealed that if violence inside America’s prisons was counted, the crime rate would be exponentially higher. Mitt Romney promised that if elected president he’ll change this by jailing more of the “…better, less bad people.”
An NYU student is petitioning to have her school’s Chic-Fil-A closed because the chain is anti-gay rights. Chic-Fil-A says they actually aren’t. The female student says that as a twenty-something at a liberal arts college and majoring in meta-gender-African-Indian-Earth-Sciences-Relations, she’s not interested in the facts and will continue her protest.
A man raised $3000 online for his wedding by selling a bed he made from over 300 Heineken bottles. The man said he regretted the project since the bottles cost him $5000 and his fiance.
A new drug named MXE is being used by kids. It’s similar to ketamine, only without the bladder cramps associated with that drug. However, ketamine continues to be preferred among the 3-9 age group, where bed wetting is still a problem. 

Ann Coulter recently told the Conservative Political Action Conference in DC that all pretty girls are conservatives, invariably. The following day a distressed Coulter was seen registering as a Democrat while shaking and crying. 

Herman Cain turned down a spot on Dancing with the Stars, saying he wanted to focus on his audition for The Voice. 

The governor of New Mexico lost her hairstylist after the man refused to continue cutting her hair due to her opposition to gay marriage. Newt Gingrich came to her defense saying, “You think it’s fair I’ve had a haircut like a Fisher Price man for thirty years because of one of my beliefs?”

Rick Santorum is working overtime to deny he ever expressed sympathy to the idea of being pro-choice in his past. Frantic to win the GOP base, he’s also denying he has a history of eating vegetables and being literate. 

A Florida teacher has been suspended for being more than 40% over the legal alcohol limit while working. The administration caught on to her after she assigned a project to the class where they had to comparatively graph her BAC levels before and after recess. 

A new study says that very religious people score higher on self evaluations regarding their health. The study made no mention of the influence of extreme self-deception in the findings. 

Apparently all the Republican GOP contenders are in danger of losing their home state in a national election. However, Newt Gingrich will probably win the moon.

A new $330,000 hamburger is going to be unveiled in October. Grown from stem cells in a lab, it will be mixed with blood and artificial fat. The process is based on how they made Lana del Ray.

Chuck E. Cheese turned 35 this week. Amazingly, parents still let him party with their kids. 

A survey indicates that people consistently say they do not consider McDonald’s to have good food. The fast food king is planning a response advertising campaign using Ke$ha, expressing the idea that quality is not really the issue with mass appeal.

Apple will be raising its salaries to Chinese factory workers who build their products. Employees will now be given an apple of their own, something which executives hope will help offset the burden of feeding their families. 

Scientists are retracting a statement they made earlier that said the male Y chromosone is deteriorating, meaning that men may slowly disappear. Meanwhile, homophobic Texas governor Rick Perry is refusing to change his name back from “Rickyyyy Perryyyy.”

Time magazine put the Latino Vote on its cover, saying it may decide the 2012 election. This marks the first occasion Latinos have been on time.
French President Sarkozy has begun shutting down all the parody Twitter accounts, as he has recently joined the social networking site for real. So far, he only re-tweets @AngelaMerkel.

Sacha Baron Cohen can’t come to the Oscars this year unless he promises to not dress-up as his character “The Dictator.” The Academy has promised to throw in a Lifetime Achievement award if he also agrees to stop making films.