Liz Taylor’s jewelry sold for $116 million at auction, finally putting the film Cleopatra in the black after 39 years.

 Time magazine’s person of the year is the Protester. The selection means that OccupyTimeMagazine’sCover is not only the first Occupy movement with a clear purpose, but now also the first successful one.

 There are $1.4 billion in coins sitting in the Federal Reserve, causing many to suggest that Obama should release it into the economy. The news inspired his 2012 campaign slogan, “Change we know is there.”

Michael Savage has offered a million dollars to Newt Gingrich to withdraw from the GOP race, arguing that he can’t beat Obama as a candidate. However, Savage was surprised when he received a call from President Obama saying that for a million dollars he’d forget running in 2012 all together.

Sarah Palin has been pitching a new show about her husband Todd and his career as a snowmobile racer. It would be co-produced by Survivor creator Mark Burnett, though his idea for a show is one where “Twelve people struggle to survive in a land ruled by Sarah Palin.”

Iran continued this week to refuse returning a flying drone it captured from the US. However, it immediately gave it back once the State Department told President Ahmadinejad that the drone is a homosexual.

 This week asked “Should we get rid of paper money to help the economy?” Americans replied, “Wait, you guys have some cash?”

 Mikhail Prokhorov, owner of the New Jersey Nets, has declared his candidacy for the Russian presidency. When he was told that the owner of the Nets was running against him, Vladimir Putin responded, “This is a man who paid $200 million dollars to own a team that was twelve in seventy…tell him to try Poland.”

 Rick Perry recently said that his poor debate performances are due to a bad back and subsequent surgery. He told reporters, “If anybody is looking for the perfect candidate, I’m not it.” Perry continues to be the leading choice among Democrats.

A Saudi woman who claimed she could treat people’s illnesses was beheaded for practicing sorcery. Friends and family held memorial services for her at the hospital where she was a doctor.

Al Qaeda prisoners escaped from their secret prison only to discover they were in Yemen. They immediately called the prison from a nearby payphone and asked for a ride back.

The Notebook is set to become a Broadway musical. Critics all hope that the story and musical will both just die together.

Herman Cain told Barbara Walters he’d like to be the defense secretary. When she asked him how he’d learn the skills for such a position, he answered, “Why can’t I learn as I go? All of my secretaries learned defense while on the job.”

Former French president Jacques Chirac has been found guilty of corruption. Apparently while president his cabinet was full of California reds.

Former Senator John Edwards recently asked his old mistress to move in with him. It’s thought that if she testifies against him in his trial, he’ll definitely go to jail. Edwards explained his situation to a close friend by saying, “Look, I either live with this bitch, or I am somebody’s bitch.”

The longest, largest Occupy movement in the world ended this week. But the question remains: Why were we in Iraq?