Ever been on a date but had absolutely nothing in common? Too polite to simply tell the individual to piss off? And not crazy enough to do something outrageously inappropriate to get rid of them? Then this is perfect for you. Here are 5 simple ways on how to lose a date in ten minutes and make sure the annoying guy (or girl)  never ever calls you back:

1. Hold their hand. And no, I don’t mean while you’re walking. No, no, that is much too simple, almost sweet. Unleash your inner romantic when he/she has ordered a meal which requires them to use both knife and fork. Whilst they are eating, just reach across the table and hold their hand. Make sure you order something like a soup, so you can continue to eat with your one hand. And once you hold their hand… Don’t. Let. Go.

Just let it all go. You SING that sentence.

2. Sing at least half of what you say. I once knew a girl who used to end a passage of speech in song. Whilst it was funny the first time round and cute the second, after the third time, I found myself looking to the ceiling to find an appropriate place to hang myself. Unless you happen to be on a date with a ridiculously, annoyingly happy person, this should get their irritation flowing in full force. For good measure, maybe even throw in a small jig/dance move.

3. Change topic in mid sentence and say something completely irrelevant. For example, “Yeah, I really enjoy reading. Some of my favourite books are… Guacamole is such a funny word, right?” Or my personal favourite, “I completely agree, the Human Rights Act just doesn’t cover quite as much as it should. Did you know a fwedgie is a front wedgie?”

4. Blink incessantly. I have absolutely no idea why this is so off putting. But I went on a date once where every time the gentleman and I were to make eye contact during conversation, I would lose my train of thought due to his rapid fire blinking. And he only seemed to do it when he looked at me. Pretty sure it was an employed tactic to scare me off. Either way, it works.

5. If all else fails, there is always this…