Tom Cruise signed on to a Top Gun sequel. Everyone agrees that reprising a youthful role from a quarter of a century ago is risky business.
The Obama administration overruled the FDA’s decision to make the Plan B morning after pill available over the counter to girls under the age of eighteen, meaning their college age boyfriends will have to act like men and buy it themselves.
ESPN reporter David Barnaby has been fired after a DUI. This is his second 2011 arrest following a domestic violence charge from his estranged wife. This time police discovered him drunk, trying to drive a Porsche he’d crashed which only had three wheels. ESPN issued a statement following his dismissal: “In sports we’ll forgive someone who hurts bitches, be it dogs or wives—but it’s unacceptable to do that to a Porsche.”
Both Mark Zuckerberg and his girlfriend’s Facebooks were accessed following a recent update. Apparently, mutual friends are divided over whether Zuckerberg is ill, with half agreeing with girlfriend Priscilla Chan and saying he is, and the other half saying that he doesn’t actually have Yellow Fever.
Auburn University and the University of Virginia will be playing each other in the Chic-Fil-A Bowl. Both schools use the colors orange and blue, causing concern about how sides will differentiate amongst each other from the stands. Auburn president Jay Gogue said, “Aurburn fans are smart. UVA can wear the orange and blue, we’ll just wear blue and orange.”
A recent study found that presidents only appear to age faster, though they actually live longer. The study concluded that: “…at the end of a second term, President Obama would most likely be mature enough to handle his job.”
Astronomers discovered a planet in the Habitable Zone, an area conducive to life as we know it. Earlier this year European astronomers confirmed the discovery of another planet in this zone, but it was hot and just barely inside of the Habitable Zone. The planet calls itself Turkey.
The British Natural History Museum just found the bones of an undiscovered dinosaur in its basement. The Queen is said to be relieved that someone finally found where the Duke of Edinburgh wandered off to.
FIFA 2012 apparently has a gay kiss in it, during which two automated soccer players make-out after scoring a goal. Rick Perry told an audience, “If you’re going to game, game the way God intended people to: play Modern Warfare III.”
After Donald Trump announced this week that he’d be hosting his own debate, it was revealed to the GOP presidential candidates that the race has thus far been material for Donald Trump’s new show, The Apprentice: President. Mitt Romney was the most surprised, prompting Trump to tell him, “What, you’re seriously surprised the Republican party can be controlled by one rich white man? You’re fired.”
Dec
Kim Richards from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills checked into rehab on Monday. Richards, a former child star now on a reality show, has somehow only been once before.
South Korea will be using robot prison guards for a month long experiment. The goal is to replace human guards by 2015, and then by 2020 for robots to entirely replace the prisoners as well.
German police intercepted a letter bomb addressed to the CEO of Deutsche Bank. It’s thought the bomb was motivated by the current financial crisis. Germany forwarded the parcel to Greece, placing it inside a rocking-horse and writing a note which said, “Here’s to riding this out together.”
Sex and the City creator Candace Bushnell is divorcing her husband, a ballerina, after he had an affair with another ballerina. She describes the experience through the lens of a sexually frustrated feminist in her new book, The Nutcracker.
Ryan Seacrest may replace Matt Lauer as host of the Today Show. Lauer is currently in talks to have a show documenting his life following the transition titled American Idle.
While filming this week, television show Myth Busters accidentally shot a cannon ball through a neighborhood, an occupied house, and into a car, testing the popular American myth of gun control.
Herman Cain withdrew his candidacy this week from the election, saying he will be switching to his Plan B. Asked about it, Cain’s mistress of thirteen years told reporters “He’s always been a Plan B man, at least until I hit menopause.”
Former Illinois governor Rob Blagojevich was sentenced to fourteen years in prison this week for trying to sell Barack Obama’s former senate seat. In addressing the court he quoted the Kipling poem If. In sentencing him, the judge quoted Arthur Miller’s play Death of a Salesman.
