The Mercedes-Benz E-Class may be the most versatile automobile ever made, so it would be only natural for other automakers to emulate this success. However, BMW has always offered a much more sporting alternative in the appropriately mid-sized 5-Series, or at least they did. The new Bimmer may be the best Merc emulator ever conceived, yet that makes it the worst BMW ever! That’s saying something, because since the turn of this century BMW has completely lost the point. They finally make a car that looks like a proper BMW, and end up making a car whose driving dynamics mimic a certain modern “luxury” Hyundai (a car from a country –Korea- that has not produced an original product or idea, ever). What BMW has done is make a shorter version of the big 7-Series and called it a 5er, which is something even Cadillac has learned doesn’t really work.

 

This whole thing is quite a shame, because the E39 generation (1995-2003) 5-Series is one of the finest cars ever made. Of course the current 3-Series Bimmer is about the size of the old 5er, but nowhere near as good. Instead of being a little/big car (larger in size but compact in driving feel), the new F10 is just a big car, albeit one lacking in overall space. Of course it won’t be your airport ride or Taxi, because being a modern BMW the operators of those cars know the steer clear. Basically it’s a Merc without the durability, or in layman’s terms: basically it’s crap, really. Do not buy this car. If you want an actual BMW, find an old one. You do not want the new electronic “active-handling”, when they used to make one with mechanical “actual handling”. If you are in the market for car in this price class, then might I suggest an entry level Jaguar XJ; it doesn’t suck, unlike the Bimmer, which I’m pretty sure could beat my Dyson vacuum cleaner in sucking contest.

 

BMW really cocked this up, and the company seems living off their past glories on a level that is only really rivaled by the English National Football Team. BMW has completely abandoned their brand values, and eventually that is going to catch-up with them. The d-bag market has already switched to Audi; of course, the morons are never far behind. This is going to leave BMW with only the enthusiasts who loved having a practical and reliable yet sporty automobile, but they no longer make a single car that possesses, well, any of those qualities. No need to fret, my fellow enthusiasts,  Alfa Romeo now makes cars that actually work, so the whole BMW brand shall soon become completely superfluous anyway. Although, they’ll probably sell a ton in Red China, so they can afford no longer care about their core market. Since uncontrolled economic booms are never followed by a bust. Oh well, Bimmers were fun cars; it is such a shame that BMW has quit making them.