Warren Buffett has stage one prostate cancer. It just goes to show that no matter how wealthy you are, bad things still happen if you’re an asshole.

A pair of teens racked up a $4k bill during a two week stay at a New Jersey motel, which they claimed was being paid for by social services. The motel owner says he wouldn’t normally have believed them, but the month before a bill was paid the same way by Kate Gosselin.


One of Glee’s co-creators is writing the remake of Dirty Dancing. So far, all he’s done is re-write the film’s most famous line: “Nobody puts Baby in the closet.”

A new ranking of America’s 10 hardest working cities has been released. The list was based on the longest hours worked and amount of personal time sacrificed for one’s job. The survey also concluded that the lowest ranking city is Washington DC.

This week El Salvador marked its first day without a murder in three years. It’s your move, Detroit.

Over 100 severe tornadoes tore through the Midwest last week. It was the California Gold Rush the last time so many wheeled homes flew across the country.

EA Games laid off 5-10% of its workforce following the completion of two Star Wars games. Employees are happy however, as everyone received a severance package of Mountain Dew and the latest expansion pack for World of Warcraft.

Britney Spears will be a judge on next season’s X Factor. She was reluctant to sign on until someone explained that it was a talent contest and not a show called “The Ex Factor.”

Obama’s re-election campaign brought in $53 million in March. Following the news, the secret service is encouraging the President to make his chief fundraiser his new bottom bitch.

After a college reporter asked Newt Gingrich if he was attacking  Fox News just so he’d be offered a position on CNN, Gingrich stormed out. First, however, he shouted at the student reporter, “No, of course not! And you’d know that already if you read my book — available on iPad, Kindle, Nook, and in paperback at your local bookstore.”

Prince has been ordered to pay $4 million to Revelations Perfume and Cosmetics for failing to promote his perfume line “3121.” The last time a man spent that much money on perfume, it took over ten years and John Travolta was trying to convince his friends that women regularly spent the night at his apartment.

Levon Helm, drummer for The Band, has died. People across the web expressed their sorrow and admiration for Helm. Miley Cyrus ran into trouble, however, after tweeting “Peeps keep telling me the drummer from the band died. Im kinda worried cuz i we have a show tonight.”

Tennessee Williams’ “A Streetcar Named Desire” is returning to Broadway. Producers say they chose the classic because they didn’t have the budget for their original idea: “Speed: A Streetcar Named Explosion.”

Tupac’s mother was “thrilled” by his hologram appearance at Coachella. While many are speculating which deceased rap icon will get the 3D treatment next, Waka Flocka Flame is saying he’d like to try it, telling reporters “If this is what I gotta do to make people think I’m not a one dimensional rapper, fuck it.”

Australian band Gotye are finally number one in America with their hit song “Somebody That I Used to Know.” It debuted back in July 2011. The only time Australians had to wait even longer for something of theirs to catch on, they were a penal colony.

A McDonald’s employee in South Carolina is being prosecuted for spitting in people’s sweet tea. He could serve time in prison, which according to Dead Curious’s legal expert, “…is actually a light sentence for messing with sweet tea. Normally in the South, it is considered high treason.”

Butch Vig, drummer for Garbage, recently told NME “Major labels don’t care about bands.” Which is true, if you’re garbage.

 An Australian woman who was injured on a business trip while having sex in her hotel room has been awarded worker’s comp. Who says women don’t have it better down under?

Julian Belvedere of (King Hamburger Pimp and) the Sundance Kid